Internet dating


  • Need biological feedback
  • Our systems are highly honed for selecting
  • People lie about themselves
  • Sex and love designed to keep human race going (both are tricky via the Internet)
  • Suits shy people, is that what a partner wants?
    • Usually confidence  (the opposite)

Technological factors

  • Do we know how to use tech to find a partner?
  • Is an image a good indicator
    • Smell, dress, generosity, humour only really established “live”

Interface between people and tech

  • People project something nicer
  • Not very attractive to say, “I’m lonely, have no friends” (social circles so resort to Internet)
  • The pleasure of checking “everything” in advance ruins the real meeting
    • xmas presents are wrapped for a reason
    • Desconstruction leads to a reason not to be with a person
      • Looking for a reason to dismiss them online (not chance it)

Incentives for “providers” to lie

  • Dating sites get money by getting people to sign up / hitch etc.
  • The reality is not “exciting” I am bored, depressed, unemployed etc.
  • Expectations build to “more” than one is expecting (we are optimists and like to “dream” positively)
  • People successful in real life, probably on Internet too
  • Neil Strauss “The game”

Lost cause?

  • Not necessarily, but go for physical first