(Modern) dating

Online issues

Yes, unfortunately. Let’s start with the good points, one can “filter” before meeting, removing the drunk, desperate and dodgy people in bars (a northern European speciality). So, one can exchange vital statistics, make a new personality and, potentially have a new online friend. If one is a little real-life social Scooby, then perhaps it sounds wonderful? Perhaps… Of course one should normalise the success / fail + success, right?So, what is wrong with internet dating?

Need biological feedback to assess new partners, however one is ignoring all those carefully crafted social and biological tools given to us by evolution (or god). How one scans a face, how a look or smell or image matches your sense of the right one… We are social animals, so let your biology help you, as well as your bozon detector and the fun of meeting and sharing and smelling and laughing.

All important ingredients to a successful first meeting? That is an important one and will probably set the tone.

A real response to the opposite sex is just not the same as a virtual one, surely? Looking at photo albums on Facebook is not even close to the first look, smell or shy smile. Like it or not these things matter (and last).

Most couples can remember the first moment when they met in real life, ask an online “created” couple if they remember the first click (no pun intended). Perhaps, but the biology, psychology and sociology were not activated in the same way. How they are working, I suppose is still under study.

do your web, chat, SMS stuff before meeting (after is different)

Liar, liar

BTW most people lie on their first dates, exaggerate to make an impression.

Projection(s)

The reality is not “exciting” I am bored, depressed, unemployed etc. Expectations build to “more” than one is expecting (we are optimists and like to “dream” positively)

Deconstruction

The pleasure of checking “everything” in advance ruins the real meeting (xmas presents are wrapped for a reason)

From others (Hayley, Angela)

Internet Imbalance

  •  Bad balance
    • More sneakies
    • More desperate or need something

Financial incentives

  • Companies are interested in using these needs, as our needs for fast food, caffeine, fun
    • Is that bad?
      • Some have found love and romance, but the majority have not
      • Or tried many times
      • Many have had “bad” experience
      • Lady GaGa Bad romance 🙂

Finding love

  • So, what is there to do?
    • Make sure you have good social contacts
    • Only by having a good circle of friends and family can you make new “associations”
    • Look at Indian family and arranged marriages
      • Massive connected contact network
  • Don’t judge too hard
    • He’s not what I wanted
    • Those who did find someone did not try and set the bar too high
    • Those who are single, tend to be quite demanding and dismissive

A solution?

Motivation

Everyone knows about 100-200 people personally. Therefore with 2/3 admins we should have about 1000 people in our OnlyFriends database. The idea is to help people meetup, without charge to get to know new people that we know and trust. The difference is, not to have many many people and we have personally met you and trust you. The service will be free and we hope to grow it, by adding people and admins. There will be always 2 admins, to make sure 1 doesn’t make mistakes or do something stupid.

Initial invitations

People we have known for 3+ years or more, will be invited. People we have met 5+ times will also be invited, close family & colleagues too. People who are extravert and are generous, reliable, and basically “good eggs” will be preferred. At any time, you can know a little about the stats of registered people, basically the friends available.

Mix

We will have as close to 50/50 male-female balance and as wide geographical coverage as possible. It will be Eurocentric with some people in USA/Canada/Australia.

Your data

We will know your real names, others do not need to. The data you give to us, is that which is already publicly available, via Facebook, Snapchat, Instagram, Twitter. We will not ask for more than what you have already on the Internet. We hope this is not an issue. GDPR will be implemented, which means if you want to be removed, it will be from the system, the backup device, and at any time you can see what we hold.

What we do

We will do our best to get people together, not necessarily romantic, could be as friends, holiday partners, meeting people when travelling etc. When people know of OnlyFriends, we will add people, don’t ask us to add you. This is for free, but if you party, wed, meetup then we would like to be invited. You can form your own group, outside of this group, but just let us know. Once you are friends, our job is done (more or less). Admins will be one male and one female initially.

Cost

Zero, but an invite to an event, if things work out (wedding) birthday. Also for us to get to know more people and to prevent shite dating agencies fleecing our community of friends for money and hope for the usual and inevitable failure.

How we will expand

By getting to know people, in real life and through the connections. Think of it as any club, which if successful expands. It could be in a few years, people who have met others, inside our ecosystem or not, will be wound down.

How to get banned

if another partner complains about sending messages that are inappropriate, too numerous, too late, you’ll get a warning and cannot contact that person again, if you do we will remove you from meeting others. We might actually put your name here. After a warning and break the rules again with a second person, you will be permanently removed and probably loose a real friend. We don’t see this as a problem, since we know all people, however, desperate people do desperate things.

The 6 commandments

  1. Admins will perform matching: based on interest (love, friendship, travel, party)
  2. Photos are not needed, but an accurate text will be (which we will check)
  3. For bad behaviour, you will be removed (and we know you)
  4. You cannot complain at each match, but can try again (“why did you give me that mad XYZ”)
    1. Remember you’d have nothing without OnlyFriends
    2. And be nice.
  5. You cannot scan “all possibilities”
  6. If unhappy, bored, can’t be bothered, or improvements / feedback let us know

Input needed

All those who found real life love over the “Interweb”, do contact me, I’d like to hear some success stories or counter arguments, or would to join Onlyfriends, mail 🙂